You'd think after 11 weeks that I would be used to it by now, yet here I am staring at those words on the screen thinking "is this really real?" Well, the day has finally come and I've announced it to the world so I better start accepting this new reality. If you haven't seen our official announcement yet, you can watch it below. It was a bit of a sneaky announcement because it wasn't clear until the end of the video what the point even was...which is exactly how I wanted it.
Getting pregnant after going through infertility is a weird experience, especially after having a loss. The first time I found out I was pregnant last year I was terrified and couldn't stop shaking. I also couldn't wait to start telling people which, everyone now knows that I kind of jumped the gun on that one. One important thing I remember feeling though was unfiltered excitement. That feeling of the floodgates opening up in my mind and feeling like I was now "allowed" to think about all of the things that I had closed myself off to for so long is a feeling I will never forget.
It was definitely different this time.
When that pregnancy ended as soon as it began, it was the most devastating thing I had experienced in my life up to that point. So naturally, this time I was a lot more guarded with my feelings. I barely had a reaction when I first found out and I didn't start telling anyone until several blood tests confirmed that it was going in the right direction this time. I didn't even tell Peter until my first two blood tests! Even now, 11 weeks later, it still doesn't feel completely real to me. I think it's because I have my guard up this time, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and being too afraid to get attached too soon. When I started telling my friends and family, the amount of anxiety I experienced was astronomical. It was so much that it actually gave me very noticeable heart palpitations a few times which I've never experienced before so that was a bit scary. I still felt like I was lying to them and was so scared of having to break their hearts all over again like last year. Luckily, things have gone much better this time around and all I can do is hope that it will continue and I will get to meet a healthy, happy baby in February.
So you're probably wondering...how did this happen!? Well...we all know how it happened...lol but probably not in the way you expected!
IT HAPPENED NATURALLY AGAIN! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
I will have a lengthy update video coming very soon covering everything that has happened to get to this point....from IVF #2....to IVF #3...to genetic testing and uterine biopsies...to getting pregnant naturally of all things. The craziest part of it all to me is that I got pregnant at the EXACT same time as I did last year.
So stay tuned! I have so many things to share and so many more things to talk about.